Sex Life Advice: Sex Isn’t A Praise, Nor a new Punishment

A colleague on LinkedIn asked a provocative question: Should a spouse use sex as a reward or punishment? Obviously, the quick answer is no. But Live Sex got therapists, like me, chatting it up about how individuals start using their sexual relationship to shape the partner of theirs.

When someone is stingy with sex and only has sex when their partner did one thing they need them to do, that is using sex as a punishment and treat. They might think to themselves, “You rat. I’m not having sex with you as you annoy me.” Possibly, they aren’t even aware of their thought. They just know they don’t feel as if having sex. They could find excuses and ways to stay away from an encounter. This’s what’s I call “withholding sex.”

Usually the person withholding sex doesn’t say out loud, “Hey, you fixed the drain today after I bugged you for the last three weeks, so I am going to have sex with you,” or even, “You gave in so we got the couch in a color I wanted rather than that horrid tan, here is a blow job.”

Doling out sex as M&Ms to a child who is learning to tie their shoe does not make for a very loving way to approach sex. Sure, there’s such as a thing as celebrating with sex. Got a raise? Let us have sex! Christening a completely new mattress? Let’s have sex! Whoo hoo!

But adjusting a partner with sex? A no.

What I have learned is sometimes the man or woman that withholds sex seems powerless in other areas of the relationship. They can have poor communication skills, having in feelings that are negative like anger or sadness. Sex is a highly effective approach to handle someone’s habit. And it works until one’s partner gets irritated or even catches onto the game.

Here’s a bit of sexual relationship advice: To be loving, intimate, enjoyable, sex needs to be given freely. Sex must be shared. Sex is as a Hershey bar, to be reduced in half and enjoyed equally. Assertiveness and honesty are all that’s required to help it become extremely.

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